MY NEW LIGHT

My precious moments of spare time are often spent doing the following things:  reading blogs, online shopping, and perusing Pinterest.  And usually these things have something in common - the overall design and decor of my house.  I love to see other people's homes.  I love to read about projects that I could do, or get ideas for paint colors, or daydream about getting new light fixtures.  I realize that might not be how everyone chooses to spend their free time, but I can't help it.  I just like design (and light fixtures).

Usually, all of the ideas that I get from looking at all of the online eye candy is out of my price range. Especially now, when all we can really focus on is finishing our basement and paying for our adoption, it's really really out of my price range.  But every once in awhile, something sneaks in on my radar at just the right price, and that is why I was able to snatch up this new light.  And boy, am I glad I did.

Among the many many people with unique and beautiful homes that I like to drool over is one gal from the blog Under the Sycamore.  I really love her whole space.  She has such an eye for vintage and color while still maintaining a (mostly) calm feel.  She curated a collection for Joss and Main, which I'm sure I've talked about before.  (Click here if you aren't a member yet - don't worry it's free.)  Well, I happened to catch it with nothing particular in mind to buy.  I just wanted to see what kinds of things she picked out.  But very quickly this baby caught my eye.  And well!  I was smitten.

I quickly asked Byron if he liked it.  He did.  I jumped on it.  And for a really great deal, we upgraded yet another feature of our home from builder basic.  The best part?  For the price I paid, I was expecting a fixture and that's it.  I was expecting to have to buy a canopy from Lowe's that maybe didn't match perfectly, but you know what?  IT CAME WITH A MATCHING CANOPY!!!  I was stoked.  Well done, Joss and Main.

Byron installed it for me with relative ease.  The instructions confused us for just a bit, but we quickly figured it out.  We're so smart.  And now I just stare up at my new light fixture.

And I'd just like to say that of course, there ARE fingerprints on it already.  Oh well.  Also the photos are grainy because I work during the day and we are living in an eternal winter.

This room has traditionally been what we call my sewing room because, get this, it's where my sewing machine is.  The grand plan is for all my crafting supplies to move down to a corner of the basement and this room will become a bedroom. So for this girl who loves to decorate and design, this light fixture is just the beginning of a transformation.  Can you say moodboard?  My only question to you is this - we're tired of the blue.  What color would you paint the walls?  Can you believe I'm leaning toward white???

A TRIBUTE TO EVERYONE EVERYWHERE

Not related to our weekend, but what a cute boy I have!

This weekend was tiring.  It was great, but tiring.  Two of our nephews, ages 16 and 18, came to stay with us from Friday evening to Sunday evening.  It is really great having them here.  They help Byron around the house in ways that I can't (meaning we FINALLY got our Christmas lights taken down right before St. Patrick's Day) and they play with Mason.  Mason ADORES his big cousins.  And they are so good with him.  They help him get dressed, make sure he eats, and are patient with him (and share their iPads) way beyond what you would expect from high school boys.

But back to my weekend.  Friday night wasn't so bad.  The boys came, we grabbed Subway for dinner, and just chilled.  I started in on some usual weekend chores, like dishes, tidying up, etc., but nothing was too stressful.  Saturday is where I started to get tired.  Have you ever felt like you work and work and work all day long and just don't have much to show for it?  That was Saturday.  It started waking early with Mason while everyone else slept.  This is not unusual, and in fact I prefer early mornings - my favorite part of the day.  We got up, and I started the coffee.  Then I washed dishes (this would be the first of many times), folded laundry, and went to the grocery store.  When I got home from the grocery store, Byron went to get his dad's ladder, I started making lunch, and when Byron got back the boys helped him take the lights down. We ate lunch.  Lunch created a LOT of dishes, probably the only downside of cooking at home.  So we washed dishes.  I helped Byron hang a light fixture (beautiful by the way...I have to take pictures and show it!!!).  We fought Mason to get him down for a nap.  I ran an errand to pick up TurboTax (finally) and started doing our taxes.  Then I started making dinner.  We invited my parents to join us, and we ate like kings.  It was awesome.  There were a TON of dishes.  So we did dishes again. And eventually, fought with Mason to get him to bed.  I was already so tired, and the weekend was only half over, that I'm pretty sure I just handed him my phone with Curious George pulled up on it and said "Watch some Georges, mama's going to sleep" and proceeded to fall asleep right next to him.  I later woke at 1:05 AM and said a quick prayer "Lord I hope he has been asleep for awhile..."

Then Sunday came.  Again, I woke up early with Mason.  All five of us got ready for church, and there was even a pancake breakfast so score, no dishes for that meal.  We came home.  We folded laundry.  We fought Mason for a nap again.  I paid bills.  I mailed some important documents.  I organized our files after getting our taxes done.  I started making an Easter basket for Mason (also going to be awesome and I hope to share!).  I made dinner.  There were MORE dishes.  And eventually the boys went home, Papa came over for a bit, and we all collapsed into bed.

Now, before you think this is just a massive complaint about how hard my life is, that is not the point (plus I know it is not hard compared to some). Somewhere between Saturday night and Sunday morning, when I realized that after I got a ton accomplished, I really had barely hit the tip of the iceberg, that it came to me.  Running a family is hard.  Quite honestly, just being an adult is hard.  Not only are there bills, taxes, chores, errands, etc. that are required to keep a house running, but there is this other (huge) part about investing in people's lives.  Yes, I need to pay bills in order for Mason to live in a moderately functioning house, but I also want to spend intentional time with him where I foster his development so that he will turn into an awesome young man.  I want my husband to take down our Christmas lights and hang my new light fixture, but I also want to just spend some time talking with him.  These are ALL necessary things.  Ultimately we have to choose how to spend our time.  There are moments of crossing off tasks and moments of making memories, and we are lucky to get to do them all.  But sometimes, we have to choose, and what we choose is not always fun.  And so, my friends, my realization is this.  If you are alive, and if your family is alive, then you are doing something right.  I am so thankful for my situation - a great husband who helps around the house, good jobs that allow us to do so many things, and family close by who we can do life with.  I realize there are so many different families out there, with so many things going on.  I admire you all.  You are all amazing.  From the bottom of my heart, congratulations on a job well done.

With my mental to-do list *slightly* shorter after this weekend, it seems that I can let a bit of my anxiety go.  And although those chores will always be waiting for me, I have a special little boy and a special big boy that I will remember to keep at the top of my list.

HOME STUDY COMPLETE...ALMOST

I have wanted to write an update for some time, particularly about our adoption, but I have been so distracted by the details swirling around in my own head.  As of March 7, we have completed our home study interviews, but it will be a little while before our home study is officially complete.  For anyone wondering how the home study process went for us, well, it wasn't bad.  All in all there were four meetings we needed to complete.  The first one was in our agency's office.  And despite the fact that the heat was actually broken and we sat in a 46 degree room for two hours, it was a basic introduction about us an our home.

The rest of the meetings were all in our home.  The questions were very personal, but nothing that I wasn't comfortable talking about.  Our case worker asked us about each other, about our upbringings, about our relationships with each other's families.  She met Mason and Minnie and toured our home.  I honestly don't have a lot of thoughts about this part.  I understand that it is a necessary part of making sure we are genuine people who are cut out for adoption, and thought I wish it would go faster or involve less paperwork, it really wasn't that bad of an experience for us.  Maybe I am just plagued from the stories I hear from reading the internet and actually most people find that it isn't so bad, either?  Let me know what you think if you've been through it before.

I said we completed our home study visits, but it will actually be a little longer before our home study is complete.  Our case worker needs some time to write up her findings, first of all.  Second of all, Byron and I are required to complete 10 hours each of training.  I have actually completed all mine, but Byron still has the 10 hours to do.  (Side note - I was dreading these classes but ended up loving them.  If you need or want adoption training, talk to me!)  One of my main goals now is to make sure that he has the quality time and clean working space to focus on these and he'll hopefully complete the classes in a very short time.

Another thing that has to happen is that we all have to get physical reports from our doctors - even Mason.  Fortunately we were able to all schedule our appointments next week and it won't cause a huge delay in the process, but still, it's yet one more thing to schedule and juggle.
The last thing that gets included in our home study is yet another round of paperwork.  We have to provide proof of financial statements.  We had to get fingerprinted, and send those off for official background checks.  Because Byron lived in Arkansas for a time, we have to fill out a special form for that.  The paper trail just seems to never end.  I think that is everything that goes into a completed home study, at least to my knowledge.  I'm sure I'm missing something.  I try to maintain the attitude that if something is in our court, then we just have to keep pushing to get it done, otherwise nothing is getting done.  It has helped with my motivation through most of this, but I have gotten a little behind recently.

So what are our next steps?  Well, to my knowledge, when our home study is complete, we get to file our first official document with the Ethiopian government.  You could call it our application, I guess.  And with that, I think our clock officially starts ticking.  There are no guarantees of timing, only averages and guidelines, so I don't know how to accurately judge how long this journey will take.  In my heart, I'm praying for two years, but for now we will just wait and see and trust in God.  My small group is studying 1 Thessalonians right now, and just yesterday I found this verse:

"God will make this happen, for He who calls you is faithful."  1 Thessalonians 5:24

What comfort I find that through all of the unknowns that we are entering into, God holds the power in his hands and he will make this happen.  Can I get an amen?

ANOTHER BOREDOM BUSTER

Alternatively titled, "She just went for it and fortunately it worked."  Mason couldn't stop talking about playing with aquasand at his babysitter's house.  The first day he played with it for an hour and a half, and the second day he played with it twice. I had this idea in my head that he was really wanting to do some activities at home.  On the drive home, I got this idea in my head that we should paint in the bathtub.  I know that's not a novel idea or anything, but the paint we happened to have at home was just regular Crayola washable paint - nothing bath specific - so I was just hoping that I wouldn't regret this later.  I asked Mason if he wanted to paint tonight and he said he would.  So my plan was after dinner I'd strip him down and let him go at it and hope for the best.

I can gladly report that this was wildly successful. Off went his clothes, and I just plopped him in the bathtub with three separate pots of paint and paintbrushes, and it didn't take him long to make masterpieces.  Between the time it took to get him ready, paint, clean the tub (which only took a washcloth and Mason did most of it himself!), and bathe him, Mason was probably in there for an hour and a half.  A miracle!

Of course we (the parents) had so much fun that we had to FaceTime with all the relatives, and at one point we squeezed four adults into our tiny bathroom along with the artist himself.  Yes, we might be crazy.  The best part was watching his little mind work.  On his own, he painted a rainbow, a bird in a nest, several monsters, and a purple banana (he narrated this, of course).  With my help we painted his name, Elmo and Cookie Monster, and some various other characters.  I love watching his imagination develop.  I'm sure we'll be doing this again.

I just have to share part of the conversation we had on the way home that day.  After I mentioned painting to him, the subject changed and I asked Mason what he wanted for dinner that night.  His response?  "No thanks, I'll paint!"

BAKED COTTON BALLS

I just have to say thank you to everyone for the kind words and encouragement you had for us as a result of my last post.  It means the world!
For lack of a good transition, I'm just going to say...and now for something completely different.  Over Christmas we were home with Mason a lot, and unless I wanted him to beg me for the iPad all day long, I needed to come up with activities to keep him busy.  This is one of those ideas that I came across somewhere on the internet (okay my addiction Pinterest - here is the original source) and it looked like a winner.  The concept is to make a batter that you dip cotton balls in and then bake, so that the batter hardens.  Afterwards, you can smash them to your heart's content.  Sounds like a blast, right?  I thought so.
So Mason and I got to work.  The batter is just equal parts flour and water, plus food coloring.  This was a great activity by itself because Mason loves to help me mix things and it was fun explaining to him how the colors would change.  It also probably took us 30 minutes or so, and when an activity holds Mason's attention for that many minutes in a row, it's a good one.

We baked them for about 45 minutes at 300 degrees and let them cool.  This is where I thought the real fun would begin.  Who doesn't like smashing things with a hammer?  (It was a toy hammer.)  Well, turns out this part wasn't so fun.  By the time we got to this part it was the next morning, so I don't know if this was just the mood he was in or if he forgot what we did or what.  Even so, I would still try it again.  It was fun and really cheap.

If any of you end up trying this out, let me know if you find success!

A NEW STORY BEGINS

I didn't know it at the time, but this little boy was a miracle baby.

I always wanted a big family.  Always.  Choosing baby names is honestly one of my earliest memories.  Thank goodness you don't have children when you are ten, because my children would be Chrysanthemum (horrible), Sidney (got lucky here, still one of my favorites), and Brishan (my parents' personal favorite).  Poor taste aside, this is just something I always saw for myself - grow up, get married, and have lots of kids.  

When I did get married, we knew early on that having a family would most likely be harder for us than for the average couple.  During the hard times when we were trying to have a baby, I was always plagued by the thought that I knew I had so much love to give a child.  Surely there was a child somewhere for me to love?  After a few years of infertility ups and downs, we finally found (fairly simple) help from a doctor, and were pregnant soon after.  We thought we had found the answer to our struggles.

When it was time to think about having another child, we simply did what worked for us before, and quickly we were pregnant again.  Only this time, shortly after hearing the baby's heartbeat, we lost the baby.  We were discouraged, but not hopeless.

Soon after that, we were pregnant for the third time, and yet again, the ultrasound showed us another baby that failed to thrive.  Once again we were discouraged and broken, but not hopeless.

Though as time went on, our hope began to dwindle.  And a few months later, we were suddenly faced with the reality that we would not be having more children without an additional financial investment.  In essence, that door was closed.  And we were devastated.

Through it all, I felt God speaking to me.  He was asking "Katie, do you love me?"  Yes, Lord, I love you.  "Katie, do you love me more than having babies?"  This is the question that though I would like to think it was an instant yes, made me really stop and think.  My thoughts and behaviors, every mood and timing and procedure, was completely engrossed in doing what I could to have a child.  It became the most important thing to me.  But when I thought of God, sitting face to face with me, asking me that question, I could only answer in one way.  Yes, God, I love you more than having babies.  I laid aside my biggest dreams and desires because that is what he asked me to do.  It was hard, but it was the only way.  And though I still deal with the outcome of that on most days, this story still has a happy ending.

That feeling that we had years ago, that there were children out there who needed the love of a family, stayed with us.  God placed the desire so strongly in our hearts, that we are following his call, and we are now embarking on a new journey - a journey to adopt a child.  God is taking us on a crazy adventure.  One that will not just lead us out of our comfort zone, but across the globe to Ethiopia.  And we are ready to share this with all of you.

We are definitely in the early stages of this process, which began last fall.  It will be a long journey.  The estimated timeline they gave us is at least three years, if not longer.  So my feelings about this are just that we are living day by day.  But I can say that when we made the decision to proceed with adoption, all the stress that comes with infertility melted away, and I truly felt at peace.

And through these past few months, we have been reassured that we are following God's will in little ways, even though somedays we feel overwhelmed by what we are agreeing to.  A few months back, before we had shared our decision with anyone, Byron travelled to Virginia for work.  On his flight home, he began talking with the gal he was sitting next to on the plane, and one thing led to another and he opened up to her about our adoption plans.  She was very supportive, as most people we have shared with are, and he left appreciating the conversation they had.  Within a week from him returning home, I checked the mail and realized there was a note about the size of a thank you card from someone I didn't recognize. I opened it and quickly realized it was from the woman he had met on the plane - with a very kind and supportive note as well as a check for $50.  We couldn't believe it!  And since then, other things have happened that have allowed us to use our story for good.  I choose to believe that God is giving us this opportunity to strengthen our testimonies, and that in the end, the hardest, saddest, most broken part of our lives will turn into something beautiful that He will use for His story.

Thank you for letting me share what has been on my heart.  We are thankful for those of you who will stand with us on our journey!

CHRISTMAS RECAP

I am finally able to share about our Christmas, thanks to reconciling all of the nasty messages that iPhoto has been giving me over the last few weeks.  The bottom line?  Apparently I take too many pictures.  Well.  This has spurred a goal of increasing my organization in regard to my computer, but at least for the time being, I have enough to do what I need.

This Christmas was great.  We had good visits with each of our family, and some really great family time among just the three of us.  We went to church on Christmas Eve, and then visited with my family for the evening, but really just had a quiet night.  I woke up the next day promptly at 5, and Mason slept until almost 8, so the mood at our house was probably backwards from most of America - it was me who was jittery with excitement.  We exchanged gifts, but kept it small this year.  Mason's big gift was a scooter, Byron got a bunch of new clothes, and I got something super exciting - a new camera lens!  (Note:  I am still learning to use not only the lens, but also my camera.  Don't expect anything amazing to follow.)

After this, we went over to my parents' house where we opened more gifts and had brunch.  My mom has started a tradition getting us a "family gift".  Last year, we all got fleece pullovers.  This year, it was moccasins.  Although most of the boys didn't like it quite as well, whoops.  She shouldn't feel bad, though, since it was my idea in the first place.  We also spent quite a while taking photos of each other. For example, I spent about 20 minutes directing my sister on how to achieve the perfect mermaid hair flip, so we have quite a few out takes from that evening.  The pictures make me laugh, and as much as I want to post one for the sole purpose of embarrassing her, I am afraid nobody else will understand our odd sense of humor.  We did manage to get one nice family picture at the end of the evening, so score one for us.

Santa also happened to bring us matching Christmas socks.  Christmas socks are fun, but sure aren't Christmas Jammies...

The next day, we celebrated with Byron's family.  The best way I can describe that time (as always) is fast and furious.  There are so many family members, that so much just seems to happen all at once.  We had a brunch and opened presents, but the best part for me was watching Mason interact with all of his aunts, uncles, and cousins.  We don't see them as often as we see my sister, and Mason's circle of "people" is really rather small, so I am never sure how quickly he will warm up to his extended family. Apparently the theme is anyone who will play iPad with him is good in his book.  I also caught him in a series of pictures where he is putting his fingers in the cookie frosting and licking his fingers.  Sorry to anyone who ate the cookies.

So that was our Christmas.  We had such a great time with our families, and can't wait until the next time!  Also thanks to Erin for grabbing the camera and shooting some of these!